• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
• Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
• What do you call male ballerinas?
• Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
• If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
• When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
• If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
• Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
• Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not a door?
• Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
• Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?